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imagea portrait of my son, once a week, every week, in 2014.

Sweeping

Ok, I’ve already shared this one below but this picture had had had to be my week 22. My baby boy, up way past his bedtime but so excited about his new broom.

Linking up with  Practising Simplicity

 

 

 

What’s this all about then?

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It has been a strange time for me and this blog of late. I sat down this evening with the sole aim of trying to write something about weaning. I made a very clear decision that I was going to write a certain type of post, a ‘parenting-post’.  I had decided that this blog was lacking a bit of momentum. I sat down to write this and decided it was all utter bollocks. Lets face it, nobody is really that interested in my breastfeeding or weaning journey. It’s certainly not what I had intended for this blog in the early days. In the early days it was all about showing off my pretty wedding and keeping my family up to date with our travels abroad. Then I had a baby and my life totally changed and suddenly the internet is telling me I should be writing about the contents of my nappy bag. Don’t worry- this will never ever happen.

image_2I wouldn’t be the first person to decide that culturally we are mis-selling motherhood. Countless lifestyle blogs, targeted motherhood sites, designer maternity gear, yadda yadda yadda, all forget to mention that parenting is so very difficult. It is a beautifully messy mindfuck. Enough people informed me while pregnant that my life was about to explode so I was under no illusions that when Forrest was born that I was waving goodbye to everything I knew. But I certainly have not been able to replace it or find comfort in designer sippy cups or bonpoint. I’m fed up of the internet telling me that everything should be peachy and that if I buy all the gear that I will be eternally happy and look incredible. Babies expose the creatures we really are and motherhood is messy (and awesome) and that’s the way it should be. I think I need a break from the internet. I’m fed up of glowy pictures telling me otherwise.

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So that leaves me wondering why I felt the need to sit down to write something at all. The short answer is that since weaning F, my hormones have been off the scale and whilst in my upbeat moments I have been ecstatically trawling the Mimi Holiday Spring/Summer Collection,  most of the time I have been in a bit of a slump. No more precious Oxytocin basically means that all the big fears and questions I have had over the last year are being are suddenly powerful and present.The enormity of our move and being responsible for a child in a different country tops the list but also my future roles and goals. My career (or what’s left of it) is constantly weighing heavily on my mind. What I am going to do, what sort of job will suit F and I, can I make enough money for us to get by and afford childcare and be personally satisfied? Will I go back to work and miss my son unbearably? Will I go back to work and not miss him enough? Will anyone ever employ me ever again? Big serious scary questions and I don’t really have any answers to any of them but I feel a bit better spitting them out loud here. I suppose in the same way that babies completely dismantle your life, us moving is going to be a similar upheaval. And lots and lots of good came out of having a baby. In fact, it’s the best thing we ever did and so maybe, job or no job, it will all fathom itself out. And if anyone in Toronto is reading this, I am lovely and come fall, I will really really need a job.

F and the broom

Finally, if you have stumbled across this page looking for weaning tips  I have but one. Wean when your child is good and properly ready. I did and it was the easiest, gentlest and sweetest moment of my parenting journey so far. Don’t push your child, go on instinct, follow their lead and when they are ready, celebrate and go out and buy yourself the prettiest bra known to mankind (still on my to-do list). And that is that.

forrest and broom 3

These photos have absolutely nothing to do with any of this but man alive, my kiddo looks totally cool with his broom.

 

18, 19, 20, 21

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Apologies for the photo dump, but our camera died a couple of weeks ago and we have only just got around to fixing it. I have a completely terrible camera phone but this was the best I could do under the circumstances. Its been a really tough month for our little family. Work has gone into overdrive for W which has meant he has barely been home, not even for the weekends. With his nuts schedule and my full-time care of Forrest, it hasn’t left much time for anything else. Sadly June is looking to be much the same but hopefully it will even out again before the summer so we can enjoy our last couple of months in London together. In the meantime, here is a quick catch up on my 52 project which I am determined to keep up with as best as I can.

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18. Rage Against the Daddy – the consequence of us not sharing with our son

19.  No title but tugging on clothes in the early hours is one of our daily rituals I love the most

20. Homeward bound – My little one loves trains dearly and had a ball on this journey back from Bristol

21. Seaspotting – Gazing through the cracks at the ocean below after walking the length of Brighton Pier.

 

 

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tube with daddy editeda portrait of my son, once a week, every week, in 2014.

London days

There won’t be many more days like this as our hearts start to look towards a new home. But for now I am happy to sit back and enjoy my boys in the city. That smile is just enough to get me through 6 more months of TFL.

Linking up with  Practising Simplicity

Permanent Residency

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In the spring of 2009, my then boyfriend and I spent our very first month apart. I was working in a theatre in the city and he was touring to Canada with a different theatre company. After several long weeks, I was reunited with him, very late at night at Euston Station. He had landed hours earlier and was due to jump on a train for another job. We had 45 minutes to catch up before he was away again. Those 45 minutes marked the start of two journeys: a short overnight sleeper to Edinburgh and a 4.5 year journey to Canada. In that short hour, I will never forget his enthusiasm or passion for the city. He just kept saying over and over ‘we have to move there. You would love it so much. We need to go’ and so that was that. Some reading, some prepping and some impulse decisions and our application for Canadian permanent residency was in the post.

At the time we applied, the processing time on our route was at the 12-18 month mark but if you have been reading this blog for a while, you will know that this was far from the case. My now-husband and I have spent a large proportion of our 20′s battling to get our file looked at. In 2011 we drove 10,000km in the name of research, in 2011 we married and moved temporarily to Toronto where we tried everything in our power to stay. In 2012 we admitted defeat and returned home. In 2013 we almost called it quits when we had to jump through more ridiculous hoops but here we are in 2014, 54 months after we first came up with this crazy plan and we have confirmation of our permanent residency in our hands.

There was no real ecstatic jumping up and down; more a quiet drink and then an air of calm has filled our home. This move has dictated so much of our lives together and I think it will take a while for it to sink in that we can go, live where we want, work where we choose and stay. Our priorities are much more complicated these days and no doubt the move has been made more challenging now that our son is in our lives. But rather than be daunted we remain positive and excited. It was never about comparing the pros and cons of the two countries but rather wanting to move to a continent and in particular a city that we feel comfortable and connected to. We think we can offer our children a happy, comfortable and exciting childhood there. I am thrilled that Forrest’s first snow is likely to be in the midst of the Canadian winter.

So that is that. 45 minutes turned into 54 months but finally there will be no more moaning about visas on this blog. Thanks for following along with this particular journey and prepare yourself for lots of Toronto spam and cold looking Wolves in the fall. Toronto, we are coming at ya!

 

 

 

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