blogging

What’s this all about then?

02062014

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It has been a strange time for me and this blog of late. I sat down this evening with the sole aim of trying to write something about weaning. I made a very clear decision that I was going to write a certain type of post, a ‘parenting-post’.  I had decided that this blog was lacking a bit of momentum. I sat down to write this and decided it was all utter bollocks. Lets face it, nobody is really that interested in my breastfeeding or weaning journey. It’s certainly not what I had intended for this blog in the early days. In the early days it was all about showing off my pretty wedding and keeping my family up to date with our travels abroad. Then I had a baby and my life totally changed and suddenly the internet is telling me I should be writing about the contents of my nappy bag. Don’t worry- this will never ever happen.

image_2I wouldn’t be the first person to decide that culturally we are mis-selling motherhood. Countless lifestyle blogs, targeted motherhood sites, designer maternity gear, yadda yadda yadda, all forget to mention that parenting is so very difficult. It is a beautifully messy mindfuck. Enough people informed me while pregnant that my life was about to explode so I was under no illusions that when Forrest was born that I was waving goodbye to everything I knew. But I certainly have not been able to replace it or find comfort in designer sippy cups or bonpoint. I’m fed up of the internet telling me that everything should be peachy and that if I buy all the gear that I will be eternally happy and look incredible. Babies expose the creatures we really are and motherhood is messy (and awesome) and that’s the way it should be. I think I need a break from the internet. I’m fed up of glowy pictures telling me otherwise.

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So that leaves me wondering why I felt the need to sit down to write something at all. The short answer is that since weaning F, my hormones have been off the scale and whilst in my upbeat moments I have been ecstatically trawling the Mimi Holiday Spring/Summer Collection,  most of the time I have been in a bit of a slump. No more precious Oxytocin basically means that all the big fears and questions I have had over the last year are being are suddenly powerful and present.The enormity of our move and being responsible for a child in a different country tops the list but also my future roles and goals. My career (or what’s left of it) is constantly weighing heavily on my mind. What I am going to do, what sort of job will suit F and I, can I make enough money for us to get by and afford childcare and be personally satisfied? Will I go back to work and miss my son unbearably? Will I go back to work and not miss him enough? Will anyone ever employ me ever again? Big serious scary questions and I don’t really have any answers to any of them but I feel a bit better spitting them out loud here. I suppose in the same way that babies completely dismantle your life, us moving is going to be a similar upheaval. And lots and lots of good came out of having a baby. In fact, it’s the best thing we ever did and so maybe, job or no job, it will all fathom itself out. And if anyone in Toronto is reading this, I am lovely and come fall, I will really really need a job.

F and the broom

Finally, if you have stumbled across this page looking for weaning tips  I have but one. Wean when your child is good and properly ready. I did and it was the easiest, gentlest and sweetest moment of my parenting journey so far. Don’t push your child, go on instinct, follow their lead and when they are ready, celebrate and go out and buy yourself the prettiest bra known to mankind (still on my to-do list). And that is that.

forrest and broom 3

These photos have absolutely nothing to do with any of this but man alive, my kiddo looks totally cool with his broom.

 

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